I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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