He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Boobs are out for the taking
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
