please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
