my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
