If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think your dad took our porno
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
