Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
