after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
