The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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