i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
