So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
