Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
