speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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