yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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