Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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