I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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