its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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