ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
