Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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