your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
