shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
