Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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