Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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