went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
