I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
