What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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