Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize