My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
