drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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