i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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