hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
