while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
