D3 body, D1 cock
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
