i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
