It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
