Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My life is pants optional.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
