Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
