So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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