Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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