What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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