He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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