Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
