Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
