If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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