Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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