I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
