i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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