It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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