my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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