I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
