I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you didnt know i had herpes?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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