I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
