Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
