Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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