I want to have your abortion
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
